The Year Ahead

Common side effects include:

Headache
Body aches
Fever
Fatigue
Nausea
Diarrhea
"Brain fog" - diminished mental acuity, difficulty concentrationg, confusion, forgetfulness
Unpredictable changes in mood
Insomnia
Lethargy
Dry skin
Irritability
Hair loss
Fits of uncontrolled and inappropriate rage
Rash, all over itchy feeling
Dysgeusia (Changes in taste discrimination, persistent odd taste in the mouth)
Anemia
Inflammation at the site of injection
Depression
Dry mouth
Muscle cramps
Loss of apetite
Persistent cough
Shortnes of breath
Anal rash
Loss of insight - the unshakable feeling that those around you are the exclusive cause of your unbearable agitation.

And any one of those on its own will diminish libido...

It has been this study of potential side effects that has caused so much of my own anxiety, especially the changes in emotions and rationality - if those occur, I will be copping the worst of it.  I will need to step back and not engage, tell myself - try to remind him - this is just the medication talking.  But there will be days when I am scared, and lonely and tired and frustrated too, days when my patience will wear thin.  This is where a 'support network' comes into play...

How ordinary and clinical that makes it sound.  Support network.  Like a bunch of tangled cables running through my psychic walls.  That phrase entirely undermines the tremendous love and affection that I receive from friends and family and acquaintances, and on occasion, complete strangers.  In spite of all the love, the professions of support, the pleas to call for help and the promises to check in on me, I feel so fuck-awful alone here in Adelaide, about as far from the emotional center of my own life as I can possibly be...which is strange, because, the simple fact is: Kevin is the center of my emotional life.

No wonder I feel so scared and lonely.